It has, as the young’un’s say, been a hot minute since the NPIFL’s famous Gazette has made it to the Andrasta print, but the league’s fury rages on oblivious to the calendar of its beat writer.

We have arrived at the NPIFL’s Witching Hour, Week 14, and while we would like to say anything is possible, four teams find themselves mathematically out of the running.

We take a moment to show some respect for our fallen NPIFL comrades, the San Wrexham 69ers, Nixon it Up, Kelce Smiles and Lloyds Leviathans, who perhaps should have taken a few minutes per week to better consider waivers and lineups.

But remember, all ye eliminated teams, you may not be able to win, but you can still ruin the entire season for your friends.

The Witching Hour is truly upon us and after Thursday’s skirmishes, the weak rays of dawning sunlight show heavy casualties for many of the playoff hopefuls. While ESPN may give the Pats (26%), JST (11%), DDT (6%) and Santos (2%) very poor odds of making it, we are saying there’s still a chance.

Let’s take a look at this week’s matchups as it stands and provide some recommended listening ahead of these potentially season-deciding matchups:

Brymbo O’s ^(11-2) vs. Santos ^(6-7)

Current score: O’s 43.66 – 13.8 Santos

Projection: O’s 156.6 – 138.7 Santos

Nathan’s Pix: O’s

It does feel like with only a 2% chance of making the playoffs, a bitter end is in sight for the postseason perennial Santos.

A huge start for Originals kicker Brandon Aubrey (25 points) feels like a bad omen of what’s to come, but a Brymbo side without Christian McCaffrey and with Jonathan Taylor slowing down somewhat in recent weeks is as easy as they will get.

With the O’s already locked into the 1-seed, the pressure is off and that could be telling here. Can Santos overcome the Brymbo juggernaut?

If they are to, they need to see a real masterclass from their chosen champions, Derrick Henry and Josh Allen; so it really could happen (not saying it will, but it isn’t over yet for HC Christopher Faulkner).

If Santos can emerge triumphant, a promising Week 15 matchup against the NIU looms; the issue is that Santos just hasn’t been putting up enough points in 2025 and to really have a shot; they need to win out and score about 400 points to have any hope of catching the Rams if results go their way.

DDT ^(6-7) vs. Firestorm ^(8-5)

Current score: DDT 12.2 – 8.5 Firestorm

Projection: DDT 133.3 – 142.0 Firestorm

Nathan’s Pix: DDT

Brymbo Firestorm HC went to bed on Thursday night safe in the knowledge that DDT HC Dan Gittins had once again failed to look at his lineup and was starting the 0.00 projected Amon-Ra St. Brown.

When he awoke to see he had not only played but scored 12.5 points, Maxwell wondered if this was an early-morning stress dream.

Alas for him, nay it was the cold truth of a dark, wet morning; however, if you’d offered him the option of St. Brown scoring 12.5 points two weeks ago, he would certainly have taken it, so to quote 90’s pop band B*witched, “c’est la vie.”

The DDT have not only gotten a slice of fortune with the Sun God, but Gittins has jolted into action and sorted his team out.

This one could thus easily go either way, especially with the uncertainty under center in Brymbo, the poor form of their WRs and the intriguing double-Bear RB tandem that they appear to be rolling with on Carolina’s bye week.

This is win-and-in for the recently TD-allergic Storm due to their points scored, while the DDT is in lose-and-go-home mode.

A DDT win would make it very scary for Brymbo, who could potentially have a huge matchup versus the Rams with multiple teams breathing down their necks in the final week of the regular season.

Padres ^(8-5) vs. Leviathans ^(4-9)

Current score: Padres 47.5 – 33.6 Leviathans

Projection: Padres 153.7 – 139.9 Leviathans

Nathan’s Pix: Padres

The Padres host the Leviathans in what is a win-and-in game for Portscatho for the same reasons as for the Firestorm.

After a huge TNF outing from Jahmyr Gibbs (33.5) and very nice score from LB Jack Campbell (14), Portscatho fans feel they are almost home safe.

ESPN clearly feels the same way, as while the Padres are in the third seed, they have the second best playoff odds with 88%, ahead of the second-seeded Firestorm (87%).

There is, however, still a lot of work to be done.

The Levs didn’t hear no bell and have gotten out to a good start too. 15.1 solid points from CeeDee Lamb was combined with 16 from the Lions D and while Aidan Hutchinson disappointed (2.5), Lloyds could still play spoiler here at the worst possible time for Portscatho.

The Leviathans have their team ready to go and with the amount of superstars on their roster, anything could happen under the Portscatho lights on Sunday.

The pressure is all on the Padres, who would certainly like to get the job done here rather than leave any chance of a twist of fate in Week 15.

Rams ^(8-5) vs. JST ^(6-7)

Current score: Rams 15.0 – 0.0 JST

Projection: Rams 141.3 – 134.5 JST

Nathan’s Pix: JST

The St. Lewis Rams fell down to the fourth seed with a loss in Week 14, but a win against the JST would cement themselves into postseason contention due to their points scored.

A loss, however, would be catastrophic. If the Rams fall to Jordan’s Scary Team, they will be one game ahead of the JST (and potentially level with the Pats) and have to face the Firestorm in Week 15.

The JST have 50 fewer points scored on the year than the Rams, and this could get very tasty, even ignoring the other games across the league.

St. Lewis will be looking to put out that fire before it potentially spreads and a win here would make Week 15 superfluous for both the Rams and the Scary Team.

St. Lewis will be relying on the excellence of their playmakers, who all face some very tough defenses this week.

These include De’Von Achane (vs. Jets), Jalen Hurts (vs. Chargers), Terry McLaurin (vs. Vikings) and Rashee Rice (vs. Texans), so it could get very tense in St. Lewis this week if any of those defenses hold up.

On the other side of the ball, the JST have a two questionable QBs to choose between; Justin Herbert has a broken hand, while Daniel Jones has a fractured shin, yet both are expected to play. This is a very rare situation for HC Jordan Clough to ponder.

A.J. Brown’s breakout (51 points in the past 2 weeks [vs. Chargers]) and Bijan Robinson’s brilliance (vs. Seahawks) will be giving Rams fans cold sweats, while Kimani Vidal has been truly a fantasy treasure for the neutral this season.

In his past 8 games Vidal has gone 2.4, 21.3, 5.5, 19.2, 3.0, 17.3, 3.2 and 20.2 You’d be mad to start him this week wouldn’t you?

But Clough doesn’t have anyone with Vidal’s potential ceiling. If Vidal can break the cycle (vs. Eagles) he could blow this matchup apart; if he can’t, it’s likely season-ending for the JST. This truly is must-watch Witching Hour football.

Kelce Smiles ^(4-9) vs. Patriots ^(7-6)

Current score: Smiles 22.0 – 0.0 Patriots

Projection: Smiles 121.5 – 126.2 Patriots

Nathan’s Pix: Patriots

The Kelce Smiles may not have won many games this year, but when they turn up they do score a lot of points. Meanwhile, the Old England Pats have been winning games without looking spectacular in 2025.

With that in mind, this feels like it could go one of two ways:

#1. A low-scoring, hard-fought grind where the Pats escape triumphant.

#2. The Kelce Smiles turn up big time and take the W.

A loss would be curtains for Old England not so much because of their record, but because they cannot realistically hope to outscore any of the teams above them if they also happen to lose.

The Pats have scored 1677.16 points this season, which ranks 9th in the league, and are over 100 behind the 4-seed Rams and further behind the Padres and Firestorm.

In what can only be an act of divine or cosmic parity, both teams have a key WR out. Drake London is O for the Smiles, while Marvin Harrison Jr is set to miss Week 14 for the Pats.

A solid but not spectacular start by the KS gives them perhaps a slight edge; but with those WR injuries and having looked at the benches, this feels like a low-scorer. Old England has proved they have the nous to win those this year so will be confident they can grind this one out and hope results around the league give them a shot in Week 15.

NIU ^(5-8) vs. 69ers ^(5-8)

Oh… and the NIU and 69ers are playing too.

With nothing on the line but pride this could be a fun matchup between these two rivals. Unfortunately, with projections as low as this and several players out for the NIU again, fun might not be the word to describe this game for the neutral and this one doesn’t even deserve a hype photo.

Weak sauce boys, weak sauce.

Current score: NIU 0.0 – 6.2 69ers

Projection: NIU 108.8 – 116.0 69ers

Nathan’s Pix: 69ers

Honestly, if you’ve read down this far, you get a star 🌟 because you are clearly the NPIFL Gazette’s MVP.